Oddballs: Lana Loves Derrick

Dear Lana,

I miss you. I love you. How can I live with you so far away? Why won’t you come back? You can practice medicine anywhere. This long-distance “relationship” is too hard! Please come home!

Love, Derrick

Dear Derrick,

My sweet love. You know I have to be here. Who else is qualified to conduct surgeries on these helpless beings? I’ll return home only after I’ve removed every last gonad from each and every Martian.

Yours always, Lana