Oddballs: Odds & Ends (From Issue #19)

Here’s the text for text lovers like you!

Your questions and comments addressed by none other than our resident Odditer…

Seamus C. Monster

Full disclosure: The questions and comments at hand are completely fictional as of this moment. So… send us questions and comments, will ya?

Full disclosure: The questions and comments at hand are completely fictional as of this moment. So… send us questions and comments, will ya?

Dear Oddballs,

What’s better: fame or fortune?

Neither in Nacogdoches, TX

Dear Neither,

Fortune. In fact, the best thing is to be rich and nobody knows about your cash stash. That way, they don’t ask you for handouts. Also, when you go to the store, people won’t look at you askew when you use coupons.

Seamus C. Monster

Dear Oddballs,

How do I get a girl to go to a dance with me? I’m not handsome or charming or rich or… well, I’m just mediocre.

Blah in Boca Raton, FL

Dear Blah,

What kind of dance is it? Disco? Square? This stuff matters! Not all dances are created equal. What gets a girl to the discotheque isn’t the same thing that gets her to the hoedown. More info, please.

Seamus C. Monster

Dear Oddballs,

I can’t seem to rock out to jazz music. Why?

Metalhead in Murfreesboro, TN

Dear Metalhead,

If you were meant to rock out to it, they would call it “rock” and it would be like rock music. No, it’s called “jazz” because you don’t rock out to it but rather you perform what’s called “jazz hands” to it. Try it. You’ll feel the jazz flow from you like blood from a stone.

Seamus C. Monster

Dear Oddballs,

Where have all the good men gone to?

Still Single in Sacramento, CA

Dear Still Single,

There are no good men, just like there are no good women. There are only imperfect humans. Oh, and sea monsters. We’re here too. And I like to think I’m more good than bad. So… what are you doing later?

Seamus C. Monster

Send questions and comments to jason.salas1@gmail.com or DM them on Instagram @OddballsZine